why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
