just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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