you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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