"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
