so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
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I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize