HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
