Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
