It's Friday. Sex?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
