Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
