Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
