i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
