if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
