Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
