You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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