i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
