I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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