Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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