Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
