im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
