So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
thus making me awesome and them whores
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
