When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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