Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
