I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
