not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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