R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
