the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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