the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
