I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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