cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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