if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
