If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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