i wish starbucks made bloody marys
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
