You're completely useless in the revolution.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
