We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
