If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
