Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
