so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
