That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
