worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
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A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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