New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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