I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
