i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
