I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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