I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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