one two three fourrrrnication!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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