yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
