i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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