Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
