she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize