he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
