She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
