i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
PANTIES FOUND
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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