You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
