I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
