Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
