It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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