tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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