I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
