gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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