I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
