i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
