Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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