I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
