So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
