im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
