Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
