Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
