Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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