There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All I want is dick and wine.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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