I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
