Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
