awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
