He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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