I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
