Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
