The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
