They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I have aggressive nipples.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
