you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
